On Race

I had my first class this morning, Race and Labor in South Africa: A Historical Perspective. This class focused on introducing us to the basics of race, labor, politics and power dynamics.

Something that the professor said really struck me; as American students in South Africa, we’re “representing whiteness.” It’s strange, I was deeply upset by the comment. When she said that I though, but I’m not white, I’m not here to represent whiteness.

What does “whiteness” mean? Obviously it’s not just about color. There’s something about my position, my circumstance, that places me in a position of privilege. Is whiteness privilege? Whiteness, I think, encapsulates a historical, political and social context. I just never considered myself part of that context.

To go from being a working-class minority to a person of privilege is a difficult concept to grapple with. Does my identity change based on my location? Somehow I’ve become the majority. Somehow I’m being associated, though loosely, with the oppressor. I haven’t fully grasped why, but there’s a deep unsettling feeling about all of this. My identity has always been an issue. Here, in a country that still suffers from apartheid, my identity issues are magnified.

This is all so frustrating. These categories are socially engineered. We’re the creators, we’re the ones in control. I’m the one in control. And so the only thing I can say to myself is that I’m not here to represent whiteness, minorities, women, or whatever. I’m here to learn, grow and hopefully help. As an individual, I bring forth a series of experiences and perspectives. These, without a doubt, have been shaped by my race. But now, as a representation of nothing else but Adriana, I have full control of what this means and what I’ll become.